I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
