sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Don't EVER smell your tampon
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
