just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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