opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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