if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Small penises have feelings too.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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