Already got asked if we're dating
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
