I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I wish you could order shots online.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
