i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
