they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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