Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
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