Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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