If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
