True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
