After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
