fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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