Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
