i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
