I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
