so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
