ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
