talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
My bed smells like the plague
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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