Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
