I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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