I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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