And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Do you have feelings for this penis?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
