I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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