Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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