Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
