The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
