if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
she told me i tasted like america
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
