where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize
