Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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