Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
