I'm gonna have a badass scar
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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