I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
my liver is dry heaving
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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