ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
