she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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