so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
