i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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