Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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