Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Randomize
