either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
