Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
