After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
