I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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