Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
someone owes me an orgasm
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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