I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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