Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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