i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
