He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
