I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize