He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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