I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
