Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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