i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
