The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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