No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
