Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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