Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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