The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
