Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
