My hand turned me down
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
