are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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