I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
