I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
