i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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