oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Just puked most of my soul out..
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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