And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
