She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
My ass is underappreciated
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
