i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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